It's Not Your Fault
by Miragee
Summary: After the fall, he has all the time in the world to watch his friends grow and fight for what is right. His suffering is gone, and he continues to hope that the girl of his dreams knows it wasn't her fault. Allegiant spoilers! Rating because of the content of the books, not so much the actual story.


**Hello! So I'm going to admit that I never really got over Al's death, and seeing it in the movie made it even worse. So I decided to write something short and sweet for him! I hope you enjoy it!**

The pain had lasted only a second. Then, everything went dark, and peaceful warmth rushed over him. He opened his eyes and saw light all around him, and he felt like he was floating in a pool of water. He was relaxed, and all the problems he'd had just moments before were gone. He couldn't even remember why he had been so upset. He wasn't sad anymore – he felt like he was finally where he belonged.

There was no concept of time in this place. If he wasn't lying there, daydreaming and thinking about all the good moments in his life and being in a state of perpetual bliss, he was watching the people below. He watched everything from above, viewing the events as they played out and having no idea if it had been a day or a week as he looked down on his former life.

It had been hard watching his parents when they were informed that they found his body. It was the only time since he'd gotten here that he'd actually cried and felt a stab of pain in his chest as his mother cried into his father's shoulder, unable to even look at the crushed body of her beloved son. He couldn't even look at it – that boy wasn't him. That crushed, empty shell of a boy couldn't be him. He was here, watching them like a TV show, finally free of the agony that had plagued him his whole life.

His pain turned to happiness, however, as he watched them slowly accept what had happened and move on. That was the beauty of Candor – they saw things in black and white and death was an easy thing for them to grasp. You were gone, forever, and that was something they could accept. He watched and smiled as his parents moved on with life, watched their bravery as his old faction got sucked into the battle that swept over the city in the months after his death, and felt a beam of pride that both of them were able to make it out of the whole ordeal alive.

Some days he watched Tris and the others and felt a small pang of longing, but it passed eventually. He couldn't do much from above, but he tried to send them as many good vibes as he could. He wasn't sure if that whole guardian angel thing was real, but he'd tried his best. He felt slightly guilty when he first looked down on Tris – she had blamed herself, and he wanted desperately to shout out that she shouldn't feel guilty. He'd made his decision on his own. HE was the one who messed up and hurt his friend so badly, that HE couldn't forgive himself. He forgave himself now, though. He wanted her to know that, and he hoped that if he just kept thinking it, kept trying to send her a message – that she'd understand eventually.

Had he been back on Earth, he probably would have felt a rush of jealousy every time Four approached Tris, and he watched their relationship grow as time passed. He remembered how he'd felt when he saw their instructor look at her that way, and he had no desire to feel those feelings again. In fact, it was kind of sweet. It was interesting, watching how they changed each other and brought out aspects of their personalities he'd never expected to see. Still, there were days when he felt like he was intruding and had to look away – he was sure that neither of them would be happy to know that he had been watching them in their most private moments, even if he hadn't meant to!

It had been hard at times, though. Sometimes he wondered if he should have stayed there to help his friends as Erudite took over the Dauntless compound, but then he remembered that he would have been just a mindless drone just like the rest of them. It was terrible watching Tris face the horrific decision to kill her own friend who had no way to control his actions – Will had come to see him shortly after that, though. He didn't blame her either, and the two of them had watched Christina and Tris and all the rest of them – watched them as they grew strong and courageous and took on the corrupt faction system. It was nice to see him, to explain to him what he had felt that day he had jumped. Will was logical and understood – he knew why he had done it, and he didn't judge him for it. It was nice.

His former Dauntless classmates weren't the only people he watched. He looked at the other factions, observed how they lived – the most fascinating part of all, though, was the land outside the wall. His entire life, he'd been told that there was nothing out there, nothing else to look forward to, only fear and danger and death. It had all been a bunch of lies! There was a whole world out there, no factions, peace and harmony – and also great destruction, and wars and famine and disease. It was both saddening and intoxicating at the same time. Was this what Erudite felt all the time? This thirst for knowledge? He felt like he had spent years just watching the world that he had been sheltered from, seeing how their lives were different, and he could spend the rest of eternity doing this. He'd never felt this happy in his life, and he was sure if people could feel this beauty on Earth, there'd be no problems at all and everyone would just be in a state of perpetual bliss.

Then there were the other people who occasionally passed through to visit. His grandparents, who he hadn't seen since he was five. Old presidents, pioneers from the days before electricity even existed, priests and monks from the Dark Ages of Europe – he could have written hundreds of books filled with the stories of those around him. They kind of came and went, passing through whenever their hearts desired, and he wandered as well, running into all types of new people. It was a hard feeling to describe. He felt like he was flying through the air, yet he also felt like he stayed in one place, with his little window to the world, and he could change it and come and go as he pleased. It was beautiful.

It was nice to feel only a few emotions, but occasionally, he still felt pangs of anger, sadness or worry. The feeling of fear came back to him as he watched Tris storm into the room as death serum clouded around her, watched as David attacked her as she lunged for the memory serum…

After that, he had to look away. Even though the pain he felt wasn't nearly as bad as the pain he'd felt on Earth, he knew what was about to happen and he couldn't stop it. All the guardian angels in the world couldn't stop it from happening – it was fate.

It must have been only a few seconds (or so he thought – it could have been hours) since he had turned away when he suddenly felt like he wasn't alone.

"Al?"

The voice was all too familiar, and much too close to be real, he was sure. He blinked and stood up, turning around and seeing – _her. _The girl he'd yearned to hold in his arms when he was still alive, the girl he'd betrayed, the girl he'd watched transform from a shy, pretty "stiff" transfer into a beautiful soldier, was standing right in front of him. All the loving feelings raced back into his heart at once. He hadn't felt this longing for anyone since he'd gotten here – yet here she was. Standing with him. Looking just as radiant as ever.

He wasn't sure if they were angels or not, but Beatrice Prior definitely was the closest thing he'd seen to one since he'd arrived.

"Tris?" he said, scarcely believing it. Of all the people she had to see after making it here, he was sure that he wasn't anywhere on the top of the list.

"Where am I?" she asked. He could tell on her face that she knew, that she had an idea of what had happened – she had been prepared for it, had she not? There was a rush of emotions again as he became upset, wondering why she had to sacrifice herself for all of this. She was capable of so much more, it didn't need to end like this…

But almost instantly, his worries vanished and he smiled softly at her. "It's ok, Tris. It's all ok now. Nothing can hurt us up here," he told her. She smiled and nodded.

"That's what my mother said," she told him. Ah yes, her mother. He'd met her, just for a few moments, and her father as well. He could see her in her mother, without a doubt. He didn't want to know exactly what had happened, but all that mattered to him was that she was finally done suffering. She'd done her fighting, and just like him, she was free now.

Suddenly, she looked upset. "Al, I'm so sorry, what I said to you that day…"

Oh, she was going to bring up that day. The worst day in Al's life. He didn't care to replay it – he'd done it enough when he was still on Earth – so he just waved his hand nonchalantly. Something that had been so monumental to him was reduced to nothing in this place.

"It's ok Tris. It wasn't your fault. I was sick, VERY sick…I didn't know how to handle it. How to handle any of it. If I had lived, how do you think my life would have turned out?" he asked her. "If I had, by some miracle, survived and passed initiation – I'd have been a mess after the Agnegation massacre. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. Then being on the run, I'd surely have gotten shot or injured and just slowed you down…it's better for me up here," he assured her, but she didn't look convinced.

"No, Al, you could have…you could have survived…" she said, shaking her head. Typical Tris – she really was Dauntless, wasn't she? Always looking out for people and fighting for others.

He didn't remember taking any steps towards her, but suddenly he was there, right in front of her, and he pulled her into a hug. "Maybe if things had been different," he told her. "Maybe if I hadn't been born into Candor. Maybe if I'd lived outside the city, outside the factions, or maybe if I hadn't gotten Dauntless on my test…but why sit here and think about what might have been?"

He heard her sigh and he could feel the tension and worry lift from her shoulders as she hugged him back. "You really are ok, aren't you?" she asked him. He nodded and finally let go of her, even though he didn't want to.

"Yes, I'm just fine. In fact, I've never been better," he told her with a grin. His bright blue eyes sparkled and Tris smiled for the first time since she'd appeared in front of him.

"Is…is Will here?" she asked. He nodded. He would have told her that Will had no hard feelings towards her, but he didn't want to take that moment from him. He was sure she would meet up with him in due time. After he answered her, Tris bit her lip and he could tell she wanted to ask something else.

"Al, can we…can we see them still?" she asked him quietly. He knew exactly who she was asking about – she wanted to see Four. She probably also wanted to see Christina, Caleb, Peter and all the rest of them.

"We can. We can watch them all the time, and when we're watching over them, I like to think we're like guardian angels. Even if we can't actually reach out and help them, I like to think that the fact that we're rooting for them tilts the scales a bit in their favor," he explained with a soft smile. Tris smiled again and chuckled.

"Would you like to see him?" he asked her softly. She smiled and nodded, knowing who he was referring to without him even saying a word.

He reached down and grabbed her hand. Warmth spread through him from the spot where their fingers intertwined, and he realized that he had never held her hand before when he had been alive. He'd always wanted to and never had the courage to. When it came to romance, he had never even been close to being a Dauntless.

While he knew now that he'd never truly have her heart, he knew that things were finally ok between the two of them, and that was all that he could ask for.

So, Al gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled before guiding her into a sitting position, pointing down and watching as her face lit up as she looked down on the man that she loved for the first time.


End file.
